No Sunshine
by Cocobelle
Summary: Will the sun ever shine on Ryan and Marissa? Ryan's fiance is doubtful, but Marissa has other plans. Future Fic, RM SS.
1. A Surprise Engagement

**Chapter One**

Ryan clinked his fork against the glass a few times, leaving his chair to stand up at the head of the table. Other guests turned round in their seats, interested smiles playing on their faces as they watched the most enviable blonde in the restaurant start to make a toast.

"Ok, thanks you guys." Ryan let a nervous smile spread across his face and placed his glass back on the table, rubbing his hands together in front of him. Expectant faces lined the long oak table.

"So…this is something I've been meaning to do for a while. Recently, I've been happy. Really happy…and I have you all to thank for that. Most of all…her."

She smiled gracefully, raising her shoulders and wrinkling her petite nose as she always did. Ryan couldn't allow himself to look at her, not yet, even though everyone else was.

"She's been with me through tough times, through the good times…and I speak for her here, but times I think most of us would rather forget."

He smiled quickly as a laugh swept the table, and caught Seth nodding matter-of-factly at the other end. "Never get him drunk", he muttered loudly, causing more people to laugh, and Summer put a finger in the air. "I'll second that."

Ryan gave in to their little banter that looked likely to ruin his speech. "Thanks, Seth", he said a little too forcefully. "But put it this way, it wasn't always me causing a scene and…", he paused for effect, "getting arrested for bad behaviour." A few people chuckled.

"Anyway…I want to thank everyone here. Especially my beautiful girlfriend! I want to thank you for giving me the best life I could ever have hoped for." He focused on Kirsten and Sandy for a moment, and they smiled proudly. "For teaching me that dreams do make you smart. And they do come true."

"Enough already!", called Seth, raising his glass and encouraging others to do the same.

Ryan admitted defeat, his hands in the air. "Alright, alright." And he picked up the champagne glass. "To everyone!"

But he kept standing up after people had repeated the toast. "I have something else to say", he added sheepishly, reaching into his pocket.

Kirsten frowned slowly, turning to Summer sat opposite her. A shrug was all she received. Summer was as much unprepared for what was about to happen as she was.

"I love her now more than I ever felt it was possible to love someone. She's bright, smart, beautiful…amazing. I owe her everything."

And before he could stop himself for doing such an un-Atwood thing, Ryan bent down on to one knee and opened the red velvet box he was holding. A gasp went round the table.

"Will you marry me, Laura?"

Clapping filled the air outside the restaurant as Marissa tumbled out of her black sportscar. It was unusually warm for a November night, and clouds filled the sky to cover the stars. Even the sea breeze failed to raise a hair on her bare arm as Marissa wobbled on her heels and slammed the car door.

The part of her inside that told her she shouldn't be doing this had been growing bigger all night long. Glass after glass of vodka had done nothing to strengthen her courage; all that remained was a tiny, tiny shred of hope that things could possibly go back to the way they were.

Swaying, Marissa stopped to adjust her skirt and realised that if she had been anywhere else, in any other frame of mind, she would have laughed at herself right now. Her hair was matted, her mascara had run into her foundation and there was a ladder in her tights from her toe to her hip. If she wasn't so sad, she would have seemed ridiculous.

The past months hadn't been easy on her. Rejection after rejection after rejection, all stemming from that one, almighty rejection from Ryan. A girl ten times as strong as she would have gone off the rails.

And now she had to watch from her career-less, happiness-less bubble as those around her got all the luck. They'd all graduated from college, they'd all got their first jobs, their first apartments and their first attempts at real life. Only Marissa had screwed hers up worse than anybody else. She had money, of course – what other Newport girl doesn't? She had a car and a designer wardrobe and a country-club membership, and she was only 22. She had the foundations of any Newport-Queen's life.

Now tell her why she wasn't happy.

"Marissa!"

Summer clattered towards her on her too-high-for-words black peep toe stillettos and threw an arm around her friend. "Babe, are you alright? I didn't know you were coming! We could have given you a ride!" Placing her hands on Marissa's shoulders, Summer drew back for a moment to survey her. "Have you been drinking?"

Marissa tried to swat away Summer and her questions with one hand, but it didn't work. Her stomach heaved dangerously. "Look, I just have to go in there, alright?"

Summer threw a fleeting glance back at the restaurant amd shook her head adamantly, almost scared about what could happen. "No. I'm not letting you in there."

"Why? I'm not going to –"

Summer closed her eyes, half with pity, half with frustration. "Honey, I know what you're going to do. And…it's too late." She ducked slightly to look under Marissa's hair into her eyes. "You can't…" She trailed off, almost unable to look at the intense sadness etched onto her face.

"No" Marissa retorted firmly, trying to shrug off Summer's grip. "He has to know that I still love him, he –"

Summer shook her head. "He's moved on."

"How do you know that?"

"Oh god." Summer bowed her head and pulled her best-friend into a hug. "I'm so sorry. I really am. But he… Marissa, they're engaged."

"What!" Marissa snapped urgently, pushing Summer away from her. "No. He can't have…" She paused for a moment. "I still love him, Sum. ME."

Tears filled Summer's eyes as she saw Marissa's mounting desperation. "Trust me, babe. If I could let you go and say those things to him, I would. No-one wants things to go back to the way they were more than me, ok? Marissa…? Are you even listening to me?"

Marissa hit the floor with a thump, wrapping her shaking hands around her knees. Feeling Summer's comforting touch on her back, she buried her head in her hands and cried.

"Oh, Marissa." Summer sighed and hitched up her dress so she was sat on the paved path next to her. "I know things are hard. I do, but…they'll get better."

"How do you know that! He's in there with – with that…thing, and –"

"I know, sweetie, I know –"

"NO, you don't! He's not happy, I know it! How could he be, when she's cheating on him?"

Summer blinked. "What?"

Marissa turned her head to look into the restaurant. "I…I…" She sighed bitterly once again as she saw them, wrapped in each other's arms. Wrapped in each other.

Summer did her best to pull Marissa's face away. "What did you just say…? This is important, I need you to –"

Marissa stared blankly at her, lost in a memory.

_Marissa giggled as Ryan spun her round and pulled her into a tight hug. "Babe, I'm brushing my teeth!"_

_He looked her up and down, sending shivers pelting through her like raindrops. "I know."_

_She giggled again, knowing what it was he wanted, and spat out her mouthful of mint into the nearest cup._

_"Hey! That was my coffee!"_

_"Oop, sorry." She kissed him for a second, pulling the hem of his wife-beater up his back. "Guess we'll just have to find another way to wake you up."_

_He kissed her again and they fell back into the bed, still laughing. "I love you, you know that?", he asked her, his breath tickling her skin. Marissa nodded, glad she was lying down. She had to savour this moment, the feeling of flying, of summer days and the familiar swoop in her stomach. He didn't say these sentences to her often, but when he did…_

_Marissa brushed her hair out of her face and nodded. But she felt like teasing him, just this once, to see how he would react. There was no denying the strong Ryan Atwood tone she was almost certain to get, and she couldn't wait._

_"You promise?"_

_He frowned for a split-second, not understanding her game, and then suddenly he got it. "Of course."_

_Marissa's heart fluttered at his pointed, firm remark. "You'll never leave me?"_

_Ryan looked at her before placing a deep kiss on her lips and into the sensitive place juct on top of her collarbone. "I'll never leave you" he said seriously, and all of a sudden, Marissa didn't care that it was 10 o'clock on a Wednesday morning and they both had classes to go to at university. She just had to have him._

"Marissa? Marissa? Did you just say…Laura's cheating on Ryan?"

She was brought to by Summer's urgency, taking in a deep breath. Closing her mouth before she could speak, Marissa gave herself a moment to realise that this, like so many other drunkenly thought up plans of hers, just wasn't going to work.

**My first fanfic! Comments Love. Next chapter up sometime during the week. x**


	2. All M wants to do is sleep

_"Will you marry me, Laura?"_

_Summer's jaw dropped open. Barely registering the high-pitched squeal and cries of "Yes! Of course I will!", she turned to Kirsten and Sandy, dumbstruck. They stared back at her, her expression mirrored on their faces._

_It was all wrong. It was so wrong. Just looking at Ryan with a girl that wasn't Marissa made her stomach turn. The old Atwood sparkle, the old half smile and gorgeous dimples were gone when he was without her. Sure, Ryan and Marissa had had their fair share of agony, and she'd spent almost half a year at Harbor trying to convince Seth not to put them back together, but as much as she tried to deny it, they were always the couple meant to be a couple._

_And now, as he hugged and kissed a person that couldn't be further from the image of her best friend, Summer decided she couldn't be in that restaurant any more. Giving Seth a look that said "Don't mess with me, Cohen", she got up out of her seat and shook her head at Sandy and Kirsten._

_The night air didn't hit her as she'd first hoped; it was warm for November and had no impact upon her bare arms. Adjusting the short sleeves on her polka dot wrap dress, she sighed a long, heavy sigh and looked out to sea._

_The slamming of a car door aroused her from her thoughts, and brushing away the slight hint of a crosstear from her eyes, she scanned the car park to see where it was coming from._

_Seeing Marissa stumbling towards her didn't come as too much of a shock, but the look on her face did. She was hopeful, as plain as that, and as much as Summer hated the state of things at that time and wished Marissa's hopes could come true, she knew they couldn't._

Feeling arms around her waist, Summer snapped out of her thoughts.

"You alright?"

She smiled and leaned back into him, letting the Coheny fragrance be absorbed into her hair and old pajama top, where it would linger so she could still smell it later. "I'm…ok" she said truthfully. Not great, just 'ok'.

"Just thinking about last night."

Summer sighed quietly. "Me too. Something Marissa said, it's…bothering me."

"Mmm?" Seth raised his eyebrows and turned her round, seeing the confusion in her face and, being who he was, had to know exactly what she was thinking. "Tell me?"

Summer nestled into his chest gratefully. "You just want me to hurry up and make you breakfast" she smiled, and felt him nod on top of her head.

Opening her mouth to speak, since the waffles she had been making weren't done yet, Summer took a moment to think. Marissa was her best friend, and she believed all or most of what she told her. But this? Something _was _bothering Summer about what she had said.

_"How could he be happy, when she's cheating on him?"_

She'd seen it for herself; Marissa had been sadder than ever that night, and it wasn't the first time she'd admitted to loving and still having feelings for Ryan after their dramatic break-up, either. It made most sense for her to lie about Laura cheating.

Or did it?

What was the point in making something like this up? Marissa had done a lot of stupid things in her life, but never something like this, never something that would hurt so many people. Lies were always easy to be proved as lies, as Summer knew only too well from living with Cohen, and as much as she wanted toslap Laura sometimes, she suspected Marissa would never go as far as to hurt her without good reason either.

A 'ting' from behind her made Summer wake up for the second time that morning, and she made a mental note to get some coffee.

"You're the best", Seth called, as soon as she had done scooping the waffles out of the pan and adorning them with his favourite toppings. She smiled to herself as he wolfed them down noisily in the next room, but the thought of Marissa, alone on a morning like this, made her reach for the phone.

Marissa's head was pounding. And not in a good way. She huffed childishly and stuck her bottom lip out under the blankets, pressing the pillow further into her head. Things were not going well. She'd gone to sleep oblivious, but now she was awake every detail of the past night ran through her brain like a steamer.

She felt miserable, simple as that. There was no point to life anymore. There was no point to the ceiling fan above her head whirring incessantly, there was no point in taking a shower, in making herself look nice, in getting dressed. There was no point to her phone ringing either, so she stuck out an arm and knocked the handset off her bedside table.

"Marissa? You there?"

She stiffened, not daring to breathe. Hearing his voice was even worse than thinking about him.

Cursing herself for knocking the 'call' button and not pulling out the plug like any normal person would do, Marissa sat up in bed and stared at the phone, breathing heavily. Why? Why was Ryan calling her now when he was the reason she was feeling like this? To remind her of what she was missing?

"Marissa?"

Running one hand through her lank hair, Marissa suddenly had another situation to laugh at in a few years time. She couldn't answer him. But she couldn't cut him off either. Silently groaning, she edged herself off the bed wretchedly and headed toward her bathroom.

"Am I on answerphone?"

Marissa's heart sank as she felt the unmistakeable tingle of a sneeze inside her nose. "Go away", she whispered desperately. "Put down the phone…"

"Is that you?"

And then Marissa sneezed.

"No, just same old, same old. Been doing a _lot _of shopping…" Her hands clenched and she mentally kicked herself. Newport princess, much?

He chuckled. "Right. Well, if you're ever free, you know you can always come and…say hi at the Newport Group."

Marissa couldn't think of anything more thrilling. Seeing Ryan, in all his $100,000 a year splendour, in his plush offices with Laura throwing herself all over him… Yes! That would be fabulous!

"Hmmm" Marissa stalled, looking at the calendar on her kitchen wall. On it was written "Get hair done". That was all.

"Yeah…I'll see if I can move some stuff around."

Ryan chuckled again, making Marissa frown. What was with that? And then she understood he probably had more to laugh about these days.

"Well, I'm sure we'll bump into each other."

Marissa couldn't wait.

"Sure! Ok, but look Ryan – something _really _important's just come up, and…"

"No, of course. I'll let you go."

Marissa stopped with a thud and banged her toe on the kitchen counter. He'd 'let her go'. Well…that was really nice of him.

"Call me!"

"Bye", Marissa whispered, as the line went dead. Now groaning as loud as she could, she leaned forward against the counter and folded her arms around her head, throwing the phone onto the floor and hearing the plastic break.

If it was possible, she hated herself even more.


	3. Kirsten can't believe it

"I can't believe he's marrying her."

Kirsten shook her head slowly and touched the photo of the Cohen family plus Ryan that had been taken the summer before they all went away to college. She knew four years had passed since then, of course she did, but she couldn't help but think of her boys as how they were that day: young.

"I know." Sandy stood behind her with a mug in his hand, musing over his wife's thoughts. He'd known Ryan would be the first one to make such a huge commitment to a girlfirend, but he'd always assumed said 'girlfriend' would be Marissa.

"I know he's twenty-three now, just, but…" Kirsten trailed off with a heavy sigh and sipped on her glass of water with lemon. Her thoughts turned to the image of Laura and she whipped her head around to face Sandy. "Can we let him do this?"

He chuckled. "Honey, we were twenty-two when _we_ got married."

"Oh, that's right", Kirsten smiled, then added under her breath, "Damn".

"You heard what he said at the restaurant. He's happy."

"Is he?"

The question lingered before Sandy answered. "If Ryan says he's happy, he's happy. Laura's a nice girl, she's good for him."

Kirsten stared at the photo again, her husband's unconvincing words echoing in her mind.

"Babe? My hand hurts."

"Mmm?" Ryan looked up from his newspaper and morning bagel. "What's the matter with it?"

Laura walked into their open plan kitchen and dining area, holding her left hand and wincing. "I don't know." She paused for a moment, as if deep in thought. "Maybe it's because…I'm engaged!"

Laughing at his expression, she sat on Ryan's lap and closed his newspaper, taking in his adorable blonde hair, blue eyes, and tan skin and thanking heaven she'd been the one to snare him before it was too late. "I love you."

He smiled and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Love you too."

They smiled at one another in the morning sun before Laura picked up one half of his bagel and took a bite. "Plans for today?", she asked. Ryan paused, so she raised her eyebrows suggestively. "Sex and then shopping?"

He widened his eyes at her with a small smile. "Mmm, I'd love to, but I've got work to do."

"Oh." Laura tucked a strand of ginger hair behind one ear and wrinkled her petite ski-jump nose. "You've been working a lot lately."

Ryan looked away from her, his face already far away and distant. "It's the new project we've got going on. Lot of work to do if these homes want to be finished on time. You know, I think I'm even prouder with this development that I was with –"

Laura stopped him with a kiss, bored of hearing more things about the 'wonderful' Newport Group. So he was in charge of another development. So he was only 23 (and two days). So the Cohens would be proud of him. Yadder, yadder, yadder…

"Saturday?"

Ryan shook his head and felt her perfectly manicured nails dig a little harder into the back of his neck. "We can't. It's Kirsten and Sandy's anniversary party. And Sandy actaully remembered it on time this year, so we've got to go."

Laura sighed, but didn't protest the point. "Right, right. Can't let the Cohens down…"

Something in her tone when pronouncing 'the Cohens' made Ryan tip her off his lap. "What, do you have a problem with them or something?", he asked as sweetly as possible. "They're like my parents, we can't –"

"I know!" Laura gave the slightest hint of a giggle to make sure he understood she was ok, and took a step towards him. "Babe, lighten up!"

Ryan smiled, but it had lost its sparkle. "Sorry. I'm gonna go take a shower."

"Might join you", Laura called as he walked away, shoving her tiny hands into the front pocket of her terrycloth sweater. She liked how she could manipulate Ryan into apologising when she was the one who had upset him.

Marissa ran her long finger over the white ceramic doorbell for a second before pressing it and taking a step backwards. She could hear footsteps inside the house and resigned herself to staring at the perfectly arranged topiary below the windowledge, both happy and cross that he was in.

"Oh, hey." Ryan stared at her for a second before stepping into his front porch and folding his arms. "What…uh, what brings you here?"

Marissa smiled, shrugging a little, like it was no big deal. "I came to give you these." She handed him the hard-to-come-by, incredibly expensive dark blue orchids she had spent half of yesterday trying to find. "To say I'm sorry for missing your birthday the other day."

Ryan's mouth opened and closed like a goldfish . "Uh…thankyou!"

Marissa giggled at his discomfort at being handed a bunch of orchids. "You might want to put those in water", she pointed out, and he nodded, holding the royal blue front door open for her to come in.

She hovered. "Is…Laura around?"

Ryan shook his head. "No. She went shopping."

"Cool." Marissa stepped past him into the hall. "Obviously takes after me."

They stared at each other for a minute before Ryan made the first move and went through to the kitchen. "Busy, huh?", Marissa asked to break the tension upon following him and seeing the table littered with papers and blueprints, a calculator sitting amongst them.

"Yeah, just working out the budget for the new development."

Marissa ran her fingers along the neat lines of handwriting while he turned away to get a vase, then hastily retracted them once he looked back. "I, uh…also got you a present", she said awkwardly, walking over to give him the small blue box she'd spent the _other_ half of yesterday trying to find. "Happy Birthday!"

Ryan didn't say anything when he opened the box and saw the watch, he just half-smiled.

"Do you like it?", Marissa prompted nervously, shoving her thumbs inside her old denim skirt pockets and trying not to feel too self-concious in her attire, most of which was either bought over three years ago or was in dire need of a wash.

Ryan struggled not to notice how lithe and tan her legs were under the mini-skirt she was wearing and nodded, a little too vigorously. "It's great. Seriously, I'm always in need of a watch, and –"

They both looked down at his two-month old platinum Rolex.

" – And this one is just…" He pulled it off and thrust it at the couch. "Not as good as this one, so…"

Feeling herself flush a little, Marissa realised it was probably time to put an end to this little visit. "Well, I'm glad you like it." Her curiosity got the better of her as she leaned in and gave him a speedy peck on the cheek, inhaling to see what cologne he used. Same as always, she noted gladly, and smiled at him as way of saying goodbye.

Ryan watched her leave his house, the new watch on his wrist and a familiar feeling in his heart.

Regret.


End file.
